One of you finally said it out loud on Sunday night, maybe after a dinner where a friend talked about his own arrangement, maybe after months of leaving the subject alone. This is open relationship therapy for gay couples, in English and online, for couples who are thinking about opening up, who already have and find the agreements falling short, or who want to close things again. You can come together or on your own.
Does this sound familiar?
You both want to try opening the relationship, but every time the conversation starts it ends in silence or in an argument about something else.
Jealousy shows up when you least expect it, sometimes over a message he answered on an app while you were cooking dinner.
You each meant something different by “open”, and you only found out after the first time.
The relationship has been open for a while, yet the rules you agreed two years ago no longer fit the life you have now.
You are afraid that if you say what you really want, he will decide the relationship is over.
You have tried a therapist before and felt that, deep down, they were hoping you would close the relationship.
What we work on
We look at whether opening the relationship is something you both want or something one of you is going along with. If you decide to go ahead, we think about the first steps and what each of you needs to feel secure while you take them.
Agreements hold up better when the two of you write them yourselves instead of borrowing them from friends. We put words to the awkward parts, such as sleepovers, mutual friends or whether you tell each other afterwards, and we come back to them when the relationship changes.
Jealousy appears in consensual relationships too, and feeling it does not mean you are doing something wrong. We work on noticing what sets it off and what it is trying to protect, so you can settle down without asking him to give up what you both agreed.
Some topics get stuck at the same point every time, like desire, fear, a change in the agreement or a date that went further than planned. In session we slow those conversations down, so each of you can finish a sentence before the other one answers.
Opening up should not leave your own relationship with less attention. We keep an eye on connection, trust and the sex you have with each other, so that time spent with other people does not end up crowding out the time that is just yours.
An open relationship and polyamory are different arrangements. We go through what each one means in practice and which comes closer to what you want, knowing that the answer can change over time and that monogamy is a valid answer as well.
How it works
Write a few lines about what is going on. You can send it on your own or together, in English or Spanish, whichever feels easier.
In the first online session you tell me where things stand, and you get a sense of whether working with me makes sense for the two of you, or for you alone.
We agree what you want to work on, how often to meet and whether the sessions will be as a couple or individual.
Every few sessions we stop and check whether the agreements still fit. Sessions are online, so you can join from any country as long as you have privacy and a stable connection.
About me
Psychologist · Licence M-36402 · LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy
For more than eight years I have worked with gay men and couples through big decisions such as coming out, break-ups and rebuilding afterwards, and more and more often with couples exploring relationships that do not follow the usual script. I am a psychologist, licence M-36402.
My practice is affirmative LGBTQ+ therapy. Your sexual orientation is not the problem, and I have no pro-monogamy agenda. Consensual non-monogamy is a valid way to have a relationship, and so is monogamy. My job is to help you reach the choice that fits the two of you.
Sessions run online, in English or in Spanish, as a couple or individually. You can join from any country, and if English is the language you find easier for this kind of conversation, we work in English.
Follow me on Instagram · @preguntadorenserieIf this sounds like where the two of you are, send me a WhatsApp message. Tell me a little about where you are as a couple and whether you would like to come as a couple or alone, and we can arrange a first session from there.
Message me on WhatsAppFAQ
No. I am here to help you with the decision you want to make, whether that means opening the relationship, closing it, or making an open one work better. I have no agenda about which model is right for you.
In an open relationship, the couple usually keeps an emotional commitment to each other while agreeing that sex with other people is allowed. Polyamory means having emotional and romantic relationships with more than one person at the same time, with everyone involved knowing about it.
Some couples come together from the start, and sometimes one partner needs a few sessions alone first. You decide that between you.
Yes. Jealousy shows up in consensual open relationships too, and it does not mean the arrangement has failed. What matters is how you handle it, which means recognising it, talking about where it comes from and finding agreements that help both of you feel settled.
Reviews on Google
Llevaba tiempo dándole vueltas a la idea de hacer terapia con un profesional para ordenar ciertos aspectos de la vida. Llegué destrozado, agobiado, con ansiedad y la verdad es que Mariano me arropó estupendamente desde el principio y, según avanzaba el tiempo, las sesiones con él iban de bien en mejor.
Después de la pandemia me di cuenta de que había cosas que no estaba consiguiendo gestionar solo, sobre todo la ansiedad y lo mucho que me costaba relacionarme con los demás. Con el tiempo también fuimos trabajando mi autoestima, mis relaciones con otros hombres, mi familia, varios cambios de trabajo y hasta cómo volver a disfrutar de actividades fuera de casa.
Al principio fui a terapia de pareja y, aunque esa relación no salió adelante, sentí que había conectado muy bien con él y quise seguir el proceso yo solo. Durante estos años hemos hablado de muchísimas cosas: de mi forma de entender las relaciones, mi manera de vivir el amor y también de mis proyectos de vida.
Genuine reviews published on Google, anonymised with initials to protect each person’s privacy. They are in Spanish, as the reviewers wrote them.
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