Sorting out what you feel before you name it
Before deciding who to tell, we look at what this means for you, for your desire and for the story you have been telling about yourself. Nobody needs a label by the second session.
Coming out as an adult · LGBTQ+ affirmative · Online
Coming out therapy for adults, in your own order
You are 41, there is a wedding photo on the shelf, and the thing you have half admitted to yourself for years no longer feels like a maybe. Or you came out long ago in one country and now live in another, where nobody at work knows, and the question has come back in a different language. Coming out therapy with me happens online and in English, from an affirmative frame, so we start from the life you already have, and you decide how fast we go.
Onlineand
worldwide
worldwide
8+years of
experience
experience
M-36402Licensed
psychologist
psychologist
ES · ENEnglish or Spanish
Does this sound familiar?
Coming out later, with a partner, children or a career in the picture
01
You feel you arrived late, and that everyone else got the years you spent keeping quiet.
02
You are married to a woman, or were, and you still have no words for what you feel, let alone a plan.
03
Your family is religious or traditional, and you rehearse their reaction so often that you never get past the first sentence.
04
You keep two lives going, one at home and one on your phone, and the switching wears you out more than you let on.
05
You do not know whether, or how, to tell your children or your ex-partner.
06
You moved abroad and found it easier to be out in English, but on the phone home your mother still asks when you will meet a nice girl.
What we work on
What coming out therapy can help you with
Setting your own order and timing
Coming out is rarely one announcement. It usually happens in layers, and we decide together who comes first, when, and in which words. Some people start with one old friend and leave their parents for much later.
Preparing for the hard conversations
Partner, parents, children, a manager. In session we rehearse real scenarios, including the replies you fear most and where you want to draw a line if a conversation goes badly.
Grieving the years in the closet
The sadness about the years spent hiding is real and deserves room. Working through it can help you look back with less self-punishment.
Looking after your marriage or family as well as yourself
If there is a wife, a husband or children involved, we think about how to care for those bonds without putting your own life on hold again.
Coming out in another country or language
Some people say it first in English, far from home, and then struggle to bring it back to their family in their first language. We can work with both sides of that, and sessions can move between English and Spanish if it helps.
How it works
How to start
1
Send a WhatsApp message
A couple of lines is enough. Tell me roughly what is going on and which country you live in, and we will find a time to meet.
2
Your first online session
The first session lasts 60 minutes by video call. You tell me where things stand, and you do not need to have anything decided or any label chosen.
3
Agree what you want from therapy
We look at your situation and set realistic goals at a pace that suits you. Therapy never sets a deadline for telling anyone.
4
Regular sessions, reviewed as we go
After that, sessions last 50 minutes, weekly or fortnightly, in English or Spanish, from wherever you are. We adjust the approach and the frequency as things move.
About me
Mariano Ventura Barreira
Psychologist · Licence M-36402 · LGBTQ+ Affirmative Therapy
Most of the people who write to me about coming out are adults who have already built a life, and I see them online, in English or Spanish, wherever they live. I am a psychologist, licence M-36402.
For years I have worked with people who come out later in life, many of them men over 35 and some with marriages and children. What they usually need from me is a plan and a room where nothing they say is shocking, much more than a push to go faster.
My practice is affirmative LGBTQ+ therapy, so your sexual orientation is never the thing we are trying to change. If you would rather do this in English, we can start with a short message.
Follow me on Instagram · @preguntadorenserieWould a first conversation help?
Send me a WhatsApp message with a line about where you are, and we can work out a way of coming out that looks after what you have built.
Message me on WhatsAppFAQ
Questions about coming out therapy later in life
No. There is no correct age, and many men come out at 40, 50 or later. What changes with age is the context around you, with a partner, children or a career involved, which is why the process deserves careful planning.
With yourself, before making any decision you cannot undo. In session we look at what you feel, what you want and what each path would involve. Deciding with support and information is very different from deciding in a panic.
No. Coming out is usually gradual and selective, and you decide who hears it, when and how. Some people tell everyone and others choose a few specific circles, and both choices are legitimate.
Yes. Sessions are online by video call, in English or Spanish, and we find a time that works with your time zone. You can join from any country, as long as you have privacy and a stable connection.
Reviews on Google
What clients say
5.0
★★★★★
Ratings on Google
★★★★★
Mariano ha sido un gran apoyo en los momentos que más necesitaba. En su consulta he encontrado no solo un espacio seguro, sino también herramientas para ordenar mis pensamientos y emociones.
★★★★★
Llevaba tiempo dándole vueltas a la idea de hacer terapia con un profesional para ordenar ciertos aspectos de la vida. Llegué destrozado, agobiado, con ansiedad y la verdad es que Mariano me arropó estupendamente desde el principio y, según avanzaba el tiempo, las sesiones con él iban de bien en mejor.
★★★★★
Al principio fui a terapia de pareja y, aunque esa relación no salió adelante, sentí que había conectado muy bien con él y quise seguir el proceso yo solo. Durante estos años hemos hablado de muchísimas cosas: de mi forma de entender las relaciones, mi manera de vivir el amor y también de mis proyectos de vida.
Genuine reviews published on Google, anonymised with initials to protect each person’s privacy. They are in Spanish because that is how they were written. Sessions are available in English or Spanish.
See all reviews on Google →